The teenage years are a time of separation from parents whether the parents are married or divorced. As time goes on teens want to spend more time with their friends and less time with their parents. This is normal and typical human development. Many divorced parents misunderstand this desire of their teens to be as a result of the divorce. It is true though, that teens in the midst of parental turmoil will want to separate even more from their parents. I offer these suggestions to divorced parents, although it is helpful advice to all parents.

  1. Try not to parentify your teen. When raising a teen in a single household, oftentimes that teen is asked to help out more and given greater responsibilities than he or she would if both parents were in the same household. This can increase the level of anger a teen feels towards his parents as well as have your teen feel she was ‘robbed’ of her childhood.
  2. There are differences in how children of varying ages react to their parents’ divorce. Realize your teen might have an easier time with the divorce than their younger siblings since he has already started to become more independent.  An important message to convey is that the problems in their parents’ marriage that led to the divorce were related to the relationship between two specific people and that not all relationships need to be the same way. Being the child of divorced parents is not a direct line to being divorced or unhappily married.
  3. Show your teen you respect them by interacting with them in a calm and focused manner. Your teen can learn from your actions and realize that relationships should not be based on fighting, lying, etc. and that she can learn what not to do in a relationship by seeing what her parents are going through.
  4. Continuously remind your teen that the divorce is not his fault and that it does not change how either of his parents feel about him. Also, it is not his job to fix his parents’ problems.
  5. Realize your teen is not a gopher, messenger or mediator between you and your ex-spouse. All children have certain rights when their parents divorce. These include the right to not be put in the middle.

Important Notice: The information presented above is provided for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for consulting a psychologist or other mental health professional to discuss your unique situation.