Some people stay in a marriage for the sake of their kids. Some women feel they need to stay because of financial insecurity, fear of being alone or because they “promised.” Many women feel they are acting in the best interest of their children by staying together.
The question women should really ask themselves is; when is ending a marriage more beneficial for the kids than staying in it?
Here are 5 Signs It’s Time To Divorce For The Sake Of The Kids:
1. When the negatives outweigh the positives.
If you and your spouse do not love each other, and you do not display love for one another, then that is what your child is going to learn about love and how to treat someone in a relationship as they move forward in life. Make a list of the pros and cons of your relationship and see which column is longer. See what your role has been in these negatives, see if the weight of the positives can somehow be heavier than the weight of the positives you might have had.
2. When you know you would rather be alone than be with him/her.
If you are not happy in your marriage and feel the fear of being alone does not outweigh the misery you feel when with your spouse, it is better to leave for the sake of the children. Many women are uncomfortable and scared of being alone, feeling they cannot possibly survive and take care of their children alone. However, at times when the pain of staying is too overbearing, it might be time to make the next move.
3. When your children are witnesses to abuse.
If your children see any abuse, whether it be physical, sexual, emotional or verbal, you are doing them a disservice by staying. Think of the message you are giving to your child if you stay with the one person who is supposed to love you the most and take care of you, but is instead hurting you. The long lasting impact this trauma will have on your children could be a way for you to work through your fear of moving on.
4. When your children’s behavior indicate they are being negatively affected by the toxic relationship.
If you notice any changes in your child’s behavior that might indicate they are having problems due to your relationship with your spouse, it’s a good idea to investigate the cause and then do something about it. Do you see any changes in their sleeping or eating habits, temperament, mood, social life, or with their school work? Speak to your child’s teacher, watch them interact with friends, or see if they try to isolate themselves.
5. When you no longer feel you are able to be a good parent because you are so miserable.
Do you see any of the above changes in yourself? Do you feel irritable, short-tempered, moody, depressed, forgetful, or distracted? If you find you can not get through a day without yelling at your kids or missing special occasions or forgetting important appointments, try to take a step back and examine what is behind those behaviors.
Talking to a professional could help you uncover your feelings that are causing those reactions. Sometimes people hurt the ones they love the most without meaning to or realizing they are even doing it.
Many children share that one of the greatest benefits of their parents’ divorce is that the fighting stops. Divorce is a very scary endeavor, with many women worrying about how they will survive on their own and how they will take care of their children and ensure their children’s happiness. Sometimes the “sake of the children” is the best reason to start the divorce process.