The holidays are a time to look back at the year that has passed and think about many things.. one important thing to think about is your relationship with your children. The holidays are also a time, for many, for giving and receiving gifts. I would like to make some suggestions for gifts you can give your children that will, by far, cost the least and be worth the most you’ve ever imagined.

 

The Gift of Time. How much quality time do you actually spend with your children? I don’t mean time cleaning up after them, shopping for food for them or driving them to their various activities and parties although this time spent should by no means be ignored. I mean actual face to face time when you actually have a conversation, play a game or eat a meal together (with no electronics.) Although you might not believe it, this is something so important and valuable to your children, even if they might fight it at first.

 

The Gift of Patience and Timeliness. When my girls were young they had a CD of original songs from their day camp. One song gave the message of the child who had to “Hurry up and wait.” The chorus was “I don’t wanna wait anymore any more, I don’t wanna wait anymore.” Practice what you preach with your kids. If you tell them you need to be out of the house at a certain time, make sure you are the first one ready to go, but also bear in mind some take longer than others and might need more time than you do to be ready on time.

 

The Gift of Attention. When you talk with your child are there any other distractions going on around you? Are they talking to you while you are cooking dinner or while you are on hold on the phone? Are you listening with one ear while thinking of all the chores you still have to complete later on in the day? Try to put all other thoughts out of your mind when talking to your child and see if they can tell the difference.

 

The Gift of Compassion. When your child comes to you upset about something, how do you react? Do you try to have them “suck it up” and soldier on or do you smother them in accolades and minimize the problem? Do you try to solve the problem for them with helpful suggestions? While it is important to do a bit of all of those things, a healthy balance needs to be reached. You want your child to be able to make their own choices and their own mistakes without just following what you suggest. You also want your child to know you care and that you understand and hear their disappointment, sadness or anger.

 

The Gift of Love. My mother used to tell me, “I might not like everything you do but I will always love you.” There is an important distinction to hear in that message. You child should feel they are loved without feeling they are beyond reproach if they do something you disagree with.

 

 

 

Important Notice: The information presented above is provided for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for consulting a psychologist or other mental health professional to discuss your unique situation. If you would like to talk with me about it, you may call my office at 914-329-5355.