As the mother of 3 tween/teen daughters I am well aware that mothers and daughters have quite unique relationships.. It is thought they fight more than and longer than any other child-parent pairs. As any parent of a teenage daughter can attest to, hormones rage, moods change in an instant and drama abounds. It is important to know and remember that fighting with mom actually serves a purpose. Think of your daughter growing up into her own human being..one who is separate and individual from her parents.. The arguing with mom is another way to actually delineate herself from her female parent. Although it may be difficult, moms need to  learn not to personalize all the nastiness their daughter dishes out.. it is more about the teen than about the mom or the relationship. Ask any teen that fights with her mom and she will tell you they have a very close, loving and supportive relationship. The push and pull of a teen’s fight for independence is completely normal and to be expected.

So why is there such a difference?

There is a difference between how moms and dads interact with their kids. Mothers usually tend to listen more to their daughters’ drama and issues and therefore get more swept up into the spiraling tornado. This is not to say that dads are not still sympathetic but most usually have less of a tolerance for all the emotional outbursts.

Think of this the next time your daughter has a melt down… there is a need to intervene before everything spirals out of control. Do not consent to being a punching bag for your daughter.. no matter what you say you will be considered the problem even though the drama and emotions started before you were even aware of anything going on. The way  to do this is by having healthy boundaries. Even though you cannot control your daughter’s emotional outbursts, you can certainly stop your own and therefore stop an overflow of emotions on both sides. The main lesson here to learn is to attempt at all costs to keep your cool, especially when you are the target of the attack.

Important Notice: The information presented above is provided for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for consulting a psychologist or other mental health professional to discuss your unique situation. If you’d like to speak with me please call my office at (914) 329-5355.